You Won

Anger is you weapon
That hurts me the most.
Your silence is your canon
That strikes me at the core.
Your turned back is the wall
That is impenetrable.
Your closed eyes
Speak of my defeat.
It is over. This game is lost.
You won.

Life

http://www.scrapblog.com/viewer/viewer.aspx?sbid=2709915
<3

I'm Not Sure What's Happening With My Life. Oh Geeze.

Today:

Mom

Hair dye

Dinner

The Stirring

Roof

Winco

Quiet

Hopefully, sleep

I want to read a good book, though. Maybe, maybe.

Not Enough

Their words are a familiar to your ears,

But they are a balm to their hearts.

They flood in, thawing their souls, letting light consume.

But not you.

You have heard those words before.

They echo off the walls of your heart, reverberating nothing.

Silence.

And it grows empty inside.

You want to believe, be a part of the revolution.

You want it to devour you, leave you whole.

But doubt creeps in, and questions persist.

Who? Why? How?

Who, why, how, am I worth of such love?

You are not.

You are alone, an imposter in their castle.

Drenched in the sweat of dishonesty

And lies.

You are the killer among the leaves.

You are the murder among the thieves.

Leave.

A List of Totally Non-descriptive Words to Describe the Events of Today

Today, we did:

work

movie

candy

kill threats/attempts against me

6am

country music

dinosaur

Their Words

Their words are dancing around the edges

The edges of my molten volcano.

They tiptoe and flutter, never really feeling the scorching heat

Of what it is truly like living beside it, in it’s shadow.

They dance around it, trying, it’s true, to touch

And understand.

Their words are trying to be a balm,

To protect me from the burning, but it is coming through.

Their words, those words, these words,

Are there, hanging above our heads, hovering, vibrating,

Silent.

These people are talking, I’m sure, but they are silent.

They are silent and I am not listening.

Mystery

The ocean crashes over me

The ocean crashes on me

The ocean crashes through me

Tearing me apart

And pulling me in.

It has subdued the fire

Raging inside of me

It has quenched the thirst

That nothing else could slate.

It has opened my eyes

And my heart

It has saved me from destruction

And yet it has destroyed me

Completely, wholly, utterly

The ocean collides over me

The ocean collapses on me

The ocean crashes through me

And I am free.

What a Bummer

Once upon a time

There was a whale falling from the sky

It liked the rushing air much better

Then the salty wet water

And it preferred the now clean light

To the filtered green of eternal night

It even liked the view

Though that round thing was getting bigger

And it grew as the whale fell faster.

This whale had no words for

“Plummet,” or “ground,” or “splatter”

So it merely sang a song

Of how lucky it was to not be a frog

That is until the whale

Made a crater in the Earth

After it plummeted to the ground and quickly splattered

The last three words, though,

That ran through the whales

Walnut-sized mind:

“What a bummer.”

Honesty

She fell to the floor

Collapsed on her knees

Her body trembled

With the greatest of ease

Her hair hid her face

From the surrounding crowd

Her eyes were red

Speaking solely to the ground

It was gone and put away

Her dreams up on that shelf

Now shattered on the floor

Broken into splinters

Down she was, hopeless

The carpet indented her flesh

Making it raw and goaded

As she tried to clean up her mess

Into the trash

She swept up the fragments

She opened her hands

And let them go.

Opulent Somethings

What would it be like to be a Soul?

Would you know exactly what you are

And your purpose in Life?

Or would you wander in the deep recesses

Of Somewhere looking for Something?

Would you be a solid thing, thick like an elephant?

Or more opack, floating along like a jellyfish?

Would you see or hear or talk or feel?

Would you like to dance?

Or the smell of the rain?

What is a Soul, really?

Why do we have Souls?

Do we have Souls?

What, I wonder, would it be like.

One of Those Days

Today was one of the days

Where I just wanted to run

Run as fast as I could

Till I panted for breath

I wanted to run

Just to get away from here

I needed to run to know if I still could

Feel the wind whipping my hair

I had to run to feel the energy

Any energy at all, course through my body

Tensing my muscles, pushing my chest

Beating my heart

I had to run to escape this desolation

The overabundance of the mundane

The common, the repeated

Intakes of life

I was quivering with the desire

To set my feet, to be free

But I held back for just that one second

And the bus opened its doors.

Just Who Would I Have Been

I am a Gladiator

And I will kill you

I am a Gladiator

And I will show no mercy

As I stand in a ring

Surrounded by the masses

Expected to spill blood

And spill blood I must

To keep the mob at bay

To quench their thirst

To stay their power.

I am a Gladiator

And I will not hold back

I am a Gladiator

And I am victorious

For if I am not

My life will end

My heart will cease to beat

My body brought to its defeat.

I am a Gladiator

And a prisoner in chains

I am a Gladiator

And a slave

Captured and bought

For the entertainment of the people

To slaughter, massacre, kill

Without thought or emotion

With only strength to bring forth a conquest.

I am a Gladiator

And I fight with vigor

I am a Gladiator

And I kill with sorrow

For their blood is my blood

Their blood is my friend’s blood

Their blood is my family’s blood.

I am a Gladiator

And I regret my life every day

I am a Gladiator

And would sacrifice myself for you

My friends, my family,

My blood.

I am a Gladiator

And I am lost

I am a Gladiator

And wonder just who would I have been

If I stayed on the farm

Raised my family

Lived the life I was meant.

But

I am a Gladiator

And I will kill you

I am a Gladiator

And I am sorry.

If Only I Had the Nerve

The sun is setting

On our new found day

The earth is moving

In an unfamiliar way

The moon is pulling

Us where it may

And you exhale

With your dirty toes

And polluting lips.

The sun is gone

And all that remains is darkness

The earth has stopped

And all sense is gone

The moon is nothing

Without your face

To light our pathway.

Expectations

I exploded

Into millions of pieces

Billions of molecules

Trillions of atoms.

I shot out

With a blinding light

Into the place you call Space

Past stars, suns, and moons

I flew, forever.

I am the wind in your hair

The warmth on your face

The sparkle in your eye

The smile on your lips

The song in your ears

The love in your heart.

I am Everything

And Nothing.

I am sorry.

But It's Killing Me

The curtain falls

That blocks out all reasonable thought

And he crouches

His hair long, clothes worn

Face masked behind that war clay

He waits

With fear churning his heart.

His hand strengthens its grip

On the chewed spear

His breath quickens

Snap, a twig meets its end

A warning to what is coming

He rocks on the balls of his feet

Lips curled back

Snarling like an animal

He waits

With panic strangling his heart.

All his notions

All his civilized ideas

All his dreams

Die on the red rock

Die in the Grin

Die in the smoke.

The light

Dances green on his face

Piercing through the haze

Lighting the Darkness

From the Monsters.

He crouches under creepers

Afraid of turning into one them

Confirm their similarities.

He waits

With hope clutching his heart.

All We Know Is Falling

We sit there, alone

On the edge of the World.

We sit there, bracing

For the fall of the World.

Our feet dangle

Toes a darkened brown.

Our hands grip,

Knuckles white with tension.

Our necks crane,

Arching in a stiff angle

To get a better view

Of the place we dwell.

We lean further, further out

The bottom is so far, distant.

We try to see,

What’s hidden underneath,

The Water,

The World,

Us.

The grass and dirt and rock

That we’ve become

Inhabits us, roots us.

But the bottom,

The surging water, a breathing monster,

Leaves cascades and open rocks,

An empty table top.

The bottom swells,

Roaring at us, hissing wind

In our face.

It calls our name,

Its siren knows, personal.

We sit there, alone

In our own dense World.

We sit there, scared

In the wake of everything.

Day One

I'm looking for Julia's blog...hummmmmmm